When my son was diagnosed with autism in 1971, we were still in the era when it was believed that autism was an emotional disorder caused by parents. It was devastating to be told that my child had a disturbance for which there was no cure. As was usual at that time, it was recommended that he be put in an institution, and it was suggested that I might be one of the "refrigerator mothers" who was so cold and rejecting that I made my son turn inward. I was of the "All you need is love" generation and my parenting, if anything, lacked discipline but not love. So, I did not follow the recommendations and I worked with my son in my home. As a result, he has pride in himself as a functioning adult with autism and is a disability rights activist with the goal of helping parents and individuals with autism avoid the struggles we went through.
Thankfully, research has now shown that autism is a neurologically based difference. Parents have a great deal of influence on their child's outcome, but they do not cause autism. However, not every neighbor, mother-in-law, or person you encounter in the grocery store understands this. Autism is an invisible disability. Our children are frequently typical, if not beautiful, in appearance. Outsiders often misunderstand and misinterpret their behavior and parents reactions.
In the 1950's, 60's, and 70's, parents of children with Autism and the children themselves were often sent into psychoanalysis. This did not prove useful. However, I believe that we parents and most individuals with Autism could benefit from counseling because having Autism or a child with autism in a society that tends to judge differences can create stress that strains our mental health.
*Note: A modified version of this article appeared in CSHA Magazine in 2005
Two Types of Counseling
In working with individuals who have autism, I recommend two types of counseling: family therapy and direct therapy. In family therapy, a therapist works with the family as a system. Families have the most time with and the greatest effect on the outcome of the child with Autism. If some part of the family system is unbalanced, there is an effect on every member of the family. A family therapist can identify if any of the family members have essential needs that are not being met and direct them to the most appropriate resources. The therapist can help the group see dysfunctional patterns and find their strengths to support and change. Family therapy can strengthen the family bonds so that it is a hardy growing unit that can take the ups and downs that come with every life.
For many years, I practiced the second type of counseling, direct therapy, with individuals who have autism. I call my counseling approach "Respectful Counseling for Individuals on the Autism/Asperger Spectrum." We know that autism is not an emotional problem, however being different in our society can be painful. Some of the goals for individuals who participate in this counseling approach include:
- Understanding their diagnoses
- Understanding what is uniquely themselves and what comes with this type of difference
- Identifying their strengths and using these to find a path to employment
- Understanding their weak areas and finding ways to compensate
- Coping in the world of school and community, where difference is often not appreciated
- Learning to understand and communicate with other people
- Learning social interaction skills
- Developing a vocabulary for understanding their emotions
- Learning to take the perspective of others
- Identifying and practicing multiple strategies to handle problems
- Learning to relax and deal with the stresses of life
- Providing the experience of a positive relationship built on a foundation of trust
