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6/30/2003 Patient Profile: Fluency & Stuttering Management MC, Tampa, Florida | |
| SP/Beck: Good Morning MC. Thanks for agreeing to share your story today. MC: Thanks for the opportunity to discuss stuttering, share, educate and inform. SP/Beck: I know that your speech-language-pathologist (SLP) has been very pleased with your progress and your participation in the management of your stuttering. Can you please tell me a little about your personal history with stuttering? MC: As a severe stutterer for nearly 40 years, fear and anxiety were the greatest impediments to personal growth, happiness and improved fluency. I constantly battled my internal ''fear voice'' that let me know every day that IT (stuttering) was in control. I struggled through traditional therapies, and some ''snake oil'' approaches, constantly obsessing over speaking situation after speaking situation, as I was my own worst critic. I was always looking for that quick fix or magic potion. That little piece of advice or strategy that would finally propel me into fluency. For me, in the end what I found was that the answer had always been hidden in the depths of my own character. In front of the words I labored to form, was the WALL -- FEAR -- the effect of which was unhappiness and continual frustration. I began intensive speech therapy in May 2002 with Janet Skotko and have enjoyed rapid and significant success. I have made great strides towards my life long dream of fluency, not just through Janet's experience but because I made a conscious decision to become a student of my own disorder. Through research, evaluation and then separation, I have transformed stuttering into an IT that while a part of me, IT does not define who I am or what I can accomplish in life. It has been a truly fascinating and extremely fulfilling journey. SP/Beck: How old were you when you first realized you had a problem with fluency? MC: It was second grade. In those days, it was second grade when students began reading aloud or in groups in the classroom. The teacher recognized I had a stutter and reinforced it by not encouraging or even allowing me to read aloud in the class. That is when the imprinting began and when I first felt different. SP/Beck: Is there a family history of stuttering? MC: There has been some history of early childhood stuttering but those occurrences did not sustain themselves through adolescence or into adulthood. SP/Beck: Do you recall your earliest work with SLPs? What were the therapy programs like? MC: It was elementary school. Honesty, I do not know if the practitioner was an SLP. In high school I was in a special class periodically with other ''misfits'' which I say not meaning any disrespect. That is how I felt. I was the only speech disorder in the room. I was joined by a variety of special needs students, from hearing and sight impaired to physically limited or confined to a wheelchair, to the learning disabled. If I remember, I think there was also a Downs Syndrome student in the room. This was about the time that the school system started the Main Streaming programs. SP/Beck: What was the least useful program you went through? MC: Being a moderate to severe stutterer for nearly 40 years, prior to May 2002 I don't believe I can with good conscience consider any program or strategy I tried useful or productive. I attempted therapy several times through high school. Biofeedback, controlled breathing, and change in voice pitch which was particularly cruel since I was in the heart of puberty at the time. SP/Beck: What was the most useful program? MC: The ''program'' when I decided to take charge of myself and my feelings. This epiphany was facilitated through the Circle Self-Assessment that Janet Skotko employed in the initial stages of our sessions together. SP/Beck: How has stuttering impacted your personal and social life? MC: Stuttering impacted EVERY decision I made in my life. Stuttering is all-pervasive. With 35+ years of decision-making and experiences, there are not enough pages in your magazine to recount the pervasiveness, but notice that I say ''decisions I made'' which implies past tense. Whether it is a great day or a moderate day, stuttering no longer has a hold or impact on the decisions I make in my life. SP/Beck: What effect has your stuttering had on your choice of career options and how has it affected your present career? MC: As a college graduate with a lot to offer the business world, I settled into the safe environment of an office clerical position for an international public accounting and consulting firm. I was making about half the salary that most college graduates were making, but the environment was safe. No presentations or heavy interaction with colleagues or clients. Proofing, developing and producing financial reports and marketing materials was my role. It was a nice fit for a good communicator of the written word, not the spoken word. I remember looking through classified ads in the past, and Internet postings more recently, and when I would see phrases like, ''must have good presentation skills'' or ''interact with Senior Management and/or clients'' I would move onto the next posting. I would see people, less qualified or less experienced than me, progressing in their careers ahead of me just because I was too afraid to stake my claim on the next rung of the corporate ladder. Fifteen or so years later, I am now a Supply Chain Director in St. Petersburg, Florida. I am surrounded by leaders and colleagues that have provided support and encouragement. Again, whether it is a great day or a moderate day, stuttering no longer has a hold or impact on the career decisions that I will make for my future. SP/Beck: The program that you recently went through has to do with ''circles'' and ''icebergs.'' I wonder if you can explain to me what those terms mean to you with regard to stuttering? MC: First, let me say that I do not look at this as a program you ''go through.'' That implies an end or conclusion. It implies that quick fix or magic potion I spoke about earlier. The playwright George Bernard Shaw once wrote, ''I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on Earth. I like a continual state of becoming, with a goal in front of me and not behind.'' The Circle Self-Assessment is a continuum strategy. Remember there are as many ways to stutter as there are stutterer's. No two stutterers are the same and no two days in a stutterers life are the same from a fluency standpoint. The Circle Self-Assessment provides a visual diagram of your feelings which is geometric in nature. As opposed to obsessing internally with my feelings, I was able to plot my feelings for the day and leave them there. Whether intended or not, I found the approach very cathartic, and an enabler for understanding my personal iceberg. The iceberg analogy has been used for years in occupational and clinical studies. The unique geological characteristic of an iceberg is that only 25% of the iceberg is above water. The majority of the iceberg, 75%, is hidden by the freezing waters of the Polar Regions. In the past, I was only focusing on 25% of my personal iceberg, or that part that was seen immediately by those around me. The speech therapies I tried several times in the past only reinforced this shortsightedness by focusing on the 25%. While I achieved some fluency improvements in the sterile, comfort zones of clinics and pathology labs, those improvements were short-lived and non-sustainable in real world application. This is not an affront against those practitioners since I take as much, if not more, responsibility for the failure to address that 75% that was always waiting for me outside the therapist's office, every hour and every day of my life. SP/Beck: As a patient, what did you have to do to participate in the Circle Self-Assessment for Stutterers? MC: An open mind, a courageous heart and a committed soul. Remember that the waters that cover 75% of our personal iceberg are cold and may be harsh but you must confront this to understand the whole iceberg. SP/Beck: What did you learn by using the circle? Did a particular aspect have the most meaning to you? MC: The Circle Self-Assessment took the focus off stuttering and put the focus on the contributors to and the effects of stuttering; the way I viewed myself and perceived the attitudes of those around me. I realized that in conjunction with working on the physiology components of stuttering, self-assessment in this manner encouraged exploration into the depths of my personal iceberg and the baggage that clung to the icy walls beneath the water. SP/Beck: How long did it take before you saw positive changes? MC: Once I started the self-assessment and honestly evaluated my feelings and confronted my fears, the positive progression was almost immediate. Four months later I was presenting in front of 70+ business associates at a quarterly meeting. A year later, I am speaking to groups about fear and freedom as it relates to stuttering. I also just completed production on a motivational video for stutterers on fear management. I want all stutterers to know what success feels like and the exhilaration that happens during the transmogrification from a ''situation evader'' to ''risk-taker.'' SP/Beck: Is there anything you do daily to better understand or manage your stuttering? MC: I pray to God to give me the courage and the commitment to use the tools I now control in my daily battle against the BEAST. The beast is fear. SP/Beck: If you had to pick one thing to tell the world about what it's like to stutter, what would that be? MC: Again, with 35+ years of experiences, there are not enough pages available to really detail the experience. In short, imagine the amount of energy you would expend each day of your life if you had to consider what speaking situations lay ahead for the day, and how you would minimize or evade those situations. For those situations impossible to evade or minimize, imagine your mind running through the words you plan to say, over and over again. Then you are confronted with the speaking situation. You see the words in your mind, but they are stuck somewhere between your throat and your mouth. Your upper body tensed, you become light headed. All eyes are on you. You are isolated. Tunnel vision sets in, as your peripheral vision becomes black all around your eyes' focus. Breathing is not regulated - feel out of breath. Tongue feels too big for your mouth. Jaw tightens. Body feels uncoordinated. Entire body becomes tense…and that is just to order a hamburger at the drive thru. After you finally place your order, you obsess over the occurrence and replay it over and over in your head. You are emotionally drained and distressed. SP/Beck: MC thanks so much for your time and your willingness to share your story and thoughts with us. I wish you all the best for continued success. MC: Thanks again for the opportunity to share, educate and inform. It is my hope that your readers will find the strategies and philosophies we discussed applicable and executable for their particular cases. An unwavering commitment to these strategies and thought processes will have a marked, positive impact on fluency and self-confidence. For more information on CIRCLE SELF ASSESSMENT for STUTTERERS, CLICK HERE. | |